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LIFE AND LIES #97 | Neil Nitin Mukesh (#7)

"Living in Mumbai is like an arranged marriage. Give it enough time and dedication and you begin to fall in love with the city," Neil announced to the whole room as if he had just come upon a scientific discovery. He wasn't done. He turned to Mukesh and said, "And living in Bangalore is like a love marriage. People come and fall in love with the city at first sight."

Mukesh, who hailed from Bangalore, looked amused by the remark until he heard Nitin say, "Even when you are stuck in traffic."

"What about Delhi, huh," Mukesh replied.

"Delhi..." Neil chuckled before saying, "Delhi experience is like a one-night stand. You are eager to leave after spending a single night; before the toxic air suffocates you."

Nitin wasn't a Delhite. He just worked there. He wondered if he was supposed to defend the city he lived in or just let it go. He decided to change the topic but ended up saying, "Did you read the news today about Tharoor suggesting that we should shift the capital from Delhi to somewhere in the south?"

"I love that guy," Neil was beaming with joy. "We should do it. I am all in for shifting the capital from Delhi. Delhites have had it easy for a long long time."

"Spoken like a true Mumbaikar," replied Nitin then turned to Mukesh. "What do you think? Would Bangalore make the cut?"

Mukesh laughed, "I don't know, man. Bhopal or Indore would be a good choice. But if it has to be south, then Mysore is best suited for it. Great infrastructure, a lot of space, better weather than Bangalore, and it's insulated from any natural disaster. It's far from the northern borders and equidistant from both the western and the eastern coasts."

"Kannadigas will be pissed when Mysore becomes the capital and everyone starts speaking Hindi," added Neil.

"From the 90s until recently, Bangalore locals were very accommodating," replied Mukesh, in a higher tone than usual. Neil seemed to have touched a nerve. "That was the main reason the city grew at a rapid pace. Issues arose when the locals became a minority in Bangalore itself."

"Hey man, nothing personal," replied Neil calmly.

"It's fine," replied Mukesh, his tone returning to normal. "All I'm saying is that Mysore should not face the language issue for a few decades. By then, English will become the most popular means of communication in India."

"What about Nagpur," suggested Neil.

"Bad weather, otherwise not a bad choice," said Mukesh.

"Or..." Neil put on a wicked smile. "Let's go back to old times and make Kolkata the capital."

"It's already under slow and unchecked invasion," replied Mukesh.

"Ok, let it be Gandhinagar then," Neil looked amused by the thought. "It will be an appropriate homage to the father of the nation. And at the same time, it will piss off two communities. Outsiders will be pissed because of no alcohol availability and Gujjus because of the proliferation of non-vegetarians."

"Nah, too problematic," replied Mukesh who didn't understand that Neil was kidding. "It's too close to Pakistan."

"Hyderabad is also a good choice," suggested Neil.

"Surely that would come with a name change of the city," added Nitin.

"Speaking of name changes, let's make Patna the capital city, after changing its name back to Patliputra. It will be reminiscent of medieval times." Neil's evil smile was back again. "Also, it might further the development of Bihar. And no Bihari would have to travel home for Chhath. What do you say, Nitin?"

"Totally aligned with you," Nitin who hailed from Bihar didn't contradict him for that is what Neil wanted.

"Or if Modi or Amit Shah is at the helm," continued Neil. "My hometown isn't a bad choice either. They have already decided on the new name for Aurangabad - Shambhajinagar. My relatives would be elated."

"Jokes aside," Nitin began to speak, realising that the topic had run its course. "The capital shift is very unlikely to happen. They just constructed a new parliament. What would happen to that?"

"In Egypt," replied Neil. "When they were building Aswan High Dam on the Nile River, it posed a significant threat to Abu Simbel Temple. They shifted the temple entirely intact. What is the shifting of Parliament building compared to that?"

"Sure," said Nitin in a concluding tone. "That seems like a good use of taxpayer's money and is so likely to happen."

***

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Original Art by Duane Kirby Jensen



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