"Did you sully my good name again to justify your coming here?"
"The mountain is named after you. It wasn't that long a shot."
"Why can't you stay in the city like a normal person? Plan your life ahead. Get married, have kids, and so on."
"When I was a kid, we had this clay modelling class where the teacher expected us to combine earth and water to build statues of God. I always ended up with a dried lump of clay."
"That's your take on marriage? Doesn't science tell you that life arose from a mixture of earth and water? Nature gave that a chance. Why can't you?"
"Why are you asking me questions you already know the answer to?"
"I know almost everything. That doesn't mean I can't delight myself with a conversation now and then. The truth is, neither you are devoted to me nor the mountains. You are always just running away from everyone and everything. Sometimes, to a familiar place where nobody comes and goes. And other times to an unfamiliar place with strangers who don't know who you are."
"Even I don't know who I am."
"Nobody does. Life is a journey of self-discovery. And you expect all the answers when you are not even halfway there."
"Fine. Anything else..."
"Yes, the descent is very tricky. Be mindful."
And suddenly, I was slipping down a rocky surface, flailing my limbs for support. There wasn't anything to hold on to. I kept falling, gasping for air. My body was shaking. When I finally opened my eyes, I was back inside my tent in Tapovan.
In need of fresh air, I opened the tent zipper. As I did, I felt like drawing a curtain for the next act because Mt. Shivling was right in front of my eyes. The stars had disappeared to make way for clouds. By the time I freshened up, I had already forgotten about the dream and went looking for Alok. I had planned a small hike with him to the base of Mt. Shivling.
The clouds, however present, exhibited their best behaviour, hanging behind the mountains. The base of Mt. Sivling was further away than I had perceived. Walking across a flat ground covered with brown grass and red shrubs, Alok and I encountered a few tents erected adjacent to small streams.
Tapovan campsite was located at 14,200+ feet above the mean sea level and the height of Mt Shivling was around 21,000 feet. When I finally reached the base, I couldn't help but think how tiny I was. The peak stared me down from 7,000 feet above. Humbled by the feeling, I sat on one of the rocks and closed my eyes. Some words came to mind.
Flowing gently like a stream
Standing resolute like a mountain
Drifting aimlessly like a cloud
What more could I be
In this moment
In this paradise of mine.
Alok took a slightly different route on our way back. I followed him until he stopped by a large boulder. He pointed to a small rectangular plate pinned to it. I was looking at a memorial to two climbers – Lukasz Chrzanowski and Grzegorz Kukurowski. Both had lost their lives while attempting to climb the north face of Mt Shivling. There were some deep and meaningful words at the bottom of the plate.
“EVERYONE HAS HIS OWN WAY. I’M PART OF YOURS. YOU’RE PART OF MINE.”
Back at the campsite, while having breakfast, MJ told me that she had gone to meet Mouni Baba in the morning. Hemant had told us about a baba who owned an ashram in Tapovan; that even though he could speak, the Baba chose not to.
That is why I was surprised when MJ said, "He talks now."
"Wow! I knew about beautiful women leaving men speechless. But you made a man break his vow of silence. Kudos to you."
"Shut up," she punched me. "He has been speaking for two years. I felt betrayed. I was so furious that I even asked him to his face, 'Why did you start speaking again? And if you did, why do they still call you Mouni baba?' He didn't answer, just kept smiling."
"He might be wondering where to place you on the beautiful vs crazy scale?"
"Right, I asked him a lot of questions. Who cooks for you? How do you manage your supplies? Where do you get your groceries? How much do you pay the porters? What do you charge the people staying in your ashram?
"Wow, did you go to audit him or something?"
"Funny, you mentioned that. That's my job. I am an auditor."
"Ssshhh... or Hemant will hear you. This is a sacred place. We are not supposed to talk about our jobs. So what happened next? That guy returned to his vow of silence, just to shut you up."
"Nah.... he politely answered all my questions. Also told me that he's from UP and that he has been staying here for 15 years. Anyway... I'm pissed that you didn't ask me to go with you to the base of Mt. Shivling. I would have come definitely."
She looked disappointed. I didn't know what to say to her. I could not even come up with a witty retort. The moment had passed. Nothing could be done. Soon, it was time for us to leave. While we walked away with our back to Mt. Shivling, I kept turning back for one last look. It just wasn't enough. When we reached the point where the meadow ended and the descent began, I took a final look at the mountain and whispered goodbye.
The challenging uphill climb of the previous day had transformed into a treacherous descent today. Akash Ganga flowed on our right. I was walking behind Yashaswini when we came across two similar paths. She took the one on the right. Thinking she had chosen wrongly, I took the left one. In a split second, my bottom touched the ground, and I heard a sound—crack. I stayed there motionless for a while, trying to collect myself. I did not see any visible injury when Alok finally got me back on my feet. But my left knee hurt from the inside.
I walked slowly with Alok, behind everyone, taking every subsequent step with care. Walking on flat ground was alright but when I placed my feet on boulders, my feet trembled. My confidence had taken a hit. While crossing the stream, I slipped and my shoes were drenched. And if that wasn't enough, soon the clear weather was replaced by a foggy one. My mind tried to remain steadfast but my body didn't cooperate. I struggled to find a firm footing with every step I took. I kept slipping. Eventually, my condition worsened to such an extent that Alok held my hand and led the way. Patiently, he took a step and then directed me to follow in his footsteps.
I breathed a sigh of relief when the steep descent got over and the ground levelled. My surroundings were still covered with fog. Small boulders were lying here and there in the path. But it was manageable. Alok and I had fallen very far behind the entire group. After walking for a while, came a spot where everyone had deposited their bags in the care of KP Da. He asked me if I was all right. I smiled and nodded then deposited my bag. Walking a little further, the river came into view, and as I kept alongside it, despite the fog, my eyes finally found the arch-shaped source of the Bhagirathi River: Gaumukh.
"Are you ok," MJ asked me when she saw me approaching. She was playing with a block of ice that she had found floating in the river.
I nodded.
"Get an MRI as soon as you reach Delhi. It might be a ligament tear."
"Sure. It was my childhood dream to get an MRI. Finally, I'm eligible for the honour."
"Haha, so funny!" Then after a pause, she asked me, "Are we allowed to take a dip here?"
"Wow, you were fearful of the cold water yesterday. But now you are fine with it. Did I inspire you or something?"
"It was just a thought. After all, I'm not coming here every day."
"Hemant had instructed us not to. Also, I don't think you are supposed to take a dip in the river before it reaches Gangotri. Don't you know the story?"
"Which story? Tell me."
"WelI I read the story long back as a kid, so I remember only fragments of it. There used to be a king named Bhagiratha. He did tapasya to bring the divine Ganga down from heaven to save the souls of his ancestors who were reduced to ashes by the curse of Sage Kapila. Ganga agreed but feared that her immense flow would wipe away everything on Earth. That is when Lord Shiva came into the picture. When Bhagiratha sought his help, he agreed. He let Ganga fall on his head and his long matted locks served as a dam, slowing down her flow. Guess, where Shiva released the river from the locks of his hair?"
"Gangotri?"
"Yes, Ganga made her landfall from the heavens in Gangotri. And since Bhagiratha was the one to bring Ganga down from the heavens, the river was considered her daughter and thus named 'Bhagirathi'."
"Beautiful story."
"And even if Hemant was ok with it, taking a dip in the river would have been scary."
"I know. Too cold."
"No, I meant, scary for me. Your makeup would have washed off."
"Shut up! I don't use makeup."
"Then thanks for keeping Ganga clean."
"God, you are beyond help!"
After the fog cleared, Hemant asked all of us to sit adjacent to each other, facing Gaumukh, along the riverside. We sat in silence with our eyes closed for some time. A thought crossed my mind and made me smile. I could see my mother holding the Gangajal in her hands which I had brought home from Gaumukh. It had happened many times that my mother asked me to buy something but didn’t tell me where to buy it. And I, instead of getting it from a nearby shop, rushed to the main market. Similarly, my mother thought I was getting the Gangajal from Gangotri but here I was, in Gaumukh. Surprise!
After a while, Hemant gave a postcard to each one of us and told us to address it to whoever we were thinking about. So I began.
To,
Ajay, Soumo and Sheth,
26th Sept, 2024. 10:50 AM.
Venue: Gaumukh (13,200 feet)
Like every other time, I wish you guys were here with me. You would have loved it. We might have discussed Ganga, Shiva, the origins of Hinduism, and so on. It's an otherworldly experience, sitting this close to a glacier. I can see hunks of black ice falling in the river and large blocks of ice, pure white in colour, under the dome-shaped mouth of the river. Some even float in the river. All of us have read about the glaciers melting, and here I am witnessing it. It is a moment of pride, but one of sadness as well. Wish you were here!
Once everyone finished writing their postcards, we got up to leave. Hemant gave me a painkiller and I got a knee band from Dnyaneshwari. My leg didn't trouble me that much. I could keep up with the group. We made a stop sometime around noon. Lunch was supposed to be in Bhojbasa. So everyone distributed whatever snacks or dry fruits they had with them.
"So how are you feeling, now that we are nearing the end of the trek," I asked MJ.
"This trek didn't go as well as I thought it would. I vomited yesterday night in Tapovan. Also, I had an extreme headache."
"Remember the good part. Leave the bad. You got to interact with me. Not many people are that lucky."
She laughed.
"Seriously," I added. "I'm a very private person."
"Then that's a compliment for me," she replied.
"How?"
"I am such a nice person that you liked talking with me so much."
"Why so sure? Maybe you're just pretty and have a nice smile. That's all."
"I am sure. And thanks. That was another compliment."
"You're welcome." I took a pause and then said, "Can I tell you the actual reason I came on this trek? But you can't tell anyone else."
She nodded.
"Well, in October 2021, I did Sandakphu Phalut Trek."
"Yeah, you told me."
"But I didn't tell you that in Jan 2023, I published my first book."
Her mouth was wide open with surprise. She punched me on the arm. "Wow yarrrr... Amazing! You're so talented."
I smiled and went on.
"Three years later, another October is almost here. Therefore, I'm aiming to publish my next book by Jan 2026. That is why I came on this trek. And that's what I'm writing. Well, some parts of it.
"Are you going to include me?"
"Only if people representing Michael Jackson are ok with it. I don't want them to sue me."
"Shut up!"
"MJ, kidding aside, I would definitely like to go on another trek with you."
"Sure why not? I am going to Markha Valley in Jan. Will you join?"
"Are you kidding me? Remember, my knee."
"Oh yeah, sorry."
"But someday, I'll definitely join you on a trek. How's Markha Valley? I haven't heard about it."
"You must have heard about Chadar Trek?"
"Yes."
"I would have gone there, but due to global warming, the Zanskar River doesn't freeze anymore. So going to Markha Valley instead. It's kind of similar."
"Great. Nice pick. Don't forget to take a dip there."
"I don't want to die."
"Everyone wants to go to heaven. Nobody wants to die."
"Don't know about heaven, I just want to complete my desired treks before I die."
"Which is the ultimate trek that you want to do before dying or you'll regret it?"
"ABC and EBC."
"Wow... respect."
"Thanks!"
By 2 PM, all of us had reached the Bhojbasa campsite. And in the evening, I found myself back at the riverside. There was nobody around, just me, the river and the Bhagirathi Sisters. My hand went over my left knee. The pain I wasn't acknowledging till now had started to make its presence known. Or maybe it was amplified by something else. The trek was almost over. Tomorrow I would be back in Gangotri and then on the next day to Dehradun and onwards to Delhi, back to my normal daily life.
MJ had casually mentioned that she wanted a house for herself in the mountains. When I gave it a thought, I realised I didn't want that. I don't want the mountains to become mundane. I visit them once in a while, like an old childhood friend. Even when we meet after a long duration, nothing changes. We feel the same connection and start again from where we left off. And when it's time to leave, we say our goodbyes until we meet again.
My eyes fell on the miniature monument I had built yesterday while waiting for the trolley. Stacking seven rock pieces on top of each other, I had wished myself good luck for the toughest day of the trek. Only the bottom three pieces remained intact now. I recalled the dream I had today morning, of me falling down the mountainside. Yes, I fell and injured my left knee. Still, I could not help but wonder if I would have fared better than what I had dreamt, had it not been for someone watching over me. I took a moment and bowed my head down for a little while.
Om Namah Shivaya!
***
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Watch my complete journey of Gaumukh Tapovan Trek on YouTube:
Part 1: Gangotri to Chirbasa
Part 2: Chirbasa to Bhojbasa
Part 4: Gaumukh to Gangotri
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